is it sick

that i find some kind of comfort in this new realization, this realization that maybe you really are just as terrified as i am of bringing your walls down ? 
or is it normal ?
i have come to realize that many times i retreat to the same resolution: 
i somehow tend to manage to ruin things for myself, almost as in subconsciously "saving" myself from later pain caused by growing even more emotionally attached, possibly even falling in love. 
but with this new comfort i feel almost safe, 
safe from regretting the possibility of getting hurt later on and safe enough to let you "in." 
you've grown from an acquaintance to a best friend to now a boyfriend and my entire support system while i'm away from home. 
you've grown into this safety net of mine and i refuse to let my subconscious come into play,
i refuse to ruin things this time around.