toxic fingertips an writing splurges, welcome to my overpacked mind

dear diary,

i am really

surprised with myself...

the day i've been waiting for all semester

is coming up fast and i'm actually freaking out.

i started wanting to go home a few weeks into school

and now that it's finally here i'm starting to get sad,

i know

i'm planning on coming back next semester, which is essentially next month,

but a month is a long ways away to be so far away from certain friends, its a long time

to not be residing in my hall where i'm friends with many of my "neighbors",

it's a long time

to not be able to walk out of my room whenever i feel like it and talk to someone, laugh or go out to smoke. i'm thrilled to see my friends again, i can't wait to sleep in my own bed, in my own home and see

my parents, to get home cooked dinners and have nice laid back nights in my backyard, i can't wait to smell the ocean air and to eat ininout and tacos... i can't wait for christmas, to see my family and for the smell of pine trees an the excitement of christmas morning and giving presents, i prefer my home to school any day... it's a given... this is where things get tricky, i've never been interested in someone so much that i want to spend every minute of my day with them, no matter what's going on, whether he's playing video games or playing music, or with his friends, i don't care, i just feel this need to be next to him and i've gotten used to falling asleep with my head on his shoulder and i've gotten used to him being there for me during my random, crazy panic attacks and recently i got used to waking up to him coming into my room and i find myself starting to actually look forward to early mornings, which i used to dread. as sappy and corny as this is, as intense as this all is, this relationship and these emotions are fairly new and i find myself overwhelmed by it all. i try to stop overanalyzing everything and distract myself with other things but i also try to maintain a hold on myself and keep myself safe from getting hurt, i try to build up a small wall so when things fall apart--they usually do--my world won't fall apart with them. this break is long, i will have fun and be happy to be home but i know that the whole time i'll be thinking of him, worrying that things will not be the same when school starts again...